Finding my Peace

As a parent its down right difficult to find quiet time. We busy ourselves to the point of exhaustion, sometimes before we even get out of bed in the morning. Our energy winds down it seems, from simply thinking about the tasks at hand. So why is it that we can't force ourselves to take that much needed slice of time out for ourselves, to reflect, recharge and refocus?

I have had to retrain myself on this many times. I start out good, taking little "me breaks", but then I slowly slip back into the same routines of busy making. That's just what I do! Then I start getting frustrated, worn down and dreadfully moody. That's when I know I need to carve out that time again. One of these days, with a bit of luck, I will be able to flawlessly take those breaks as needed before the negative hits.

I have made it a point to start as many mornings as possible with a bible study or other positive book. It grounds my day in a positive way that sets my mood. My days don't always stay positive, but that's life. Sometimes I have to take a break from the negative and just breath, pray and start over. We could all use do-overs and I suggest taking them as needed!
But what happens when tragedy hits? What do we do then? I sometimes turn inward, feeling isolated and spread so thin. The cracks start to show where I'm barely holding on, tired, and drained. It feels almost impossible to put on that positive air and move forward with determination.

This Christmas past we experienced a great loss of our baby during pregnancy. We were two months along and had mixed feelings about it, especially since our youngest was just four months. We didn't tell anyone out of fear if what the masses would say. I felt the pressure that large families get when they are judged and whispered about. It was and is the second most hardest part about the loss of our baby, was that it was a pregnancy that wasn't celebrated as it should have been.

My positive outlook has dwindled and struggled with the sadness and regret. I have found it hard some days to get out of bed, to do my Bible study, or to even go to church. I have to almost pep talk myself into those things and I am glad afterwards that I did. God is everlasting, he gives hope to the hopeless. God listens to our cries and prayers. Our baby is a treasure in heaven who was lost on earth. That give my heart peace even when it breaks.

My suggestion, my plea to anyone in the same boat as me with life, not just loss, please pep talk yourself. Care for yourself. Love yourself. It doesn't mean you have to forget everyone else. It doesn't mean you are selfish. You just can't pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself with the words of God. Let the cries slip from your lips to Gods ears. Praise him in the difficulty and know that he is there, firm and grounded for you to stand on, beat your fists against and fall to pieces...He will build you up again with a greater strength when the storm of life passes. Be faithful, even when it's difficult. You will be glad you did. It may take time for you to feel better, your emotions may come and go, but take the time out for yourself. Come closer to God and feel the peace in His presence.